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| 50 Fun Things for Professors to Do on the First Day of Class
1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.
2.
After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for
attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was
the last day to drop.
3. After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream "MY PACEMAKER!"
4. Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.
5. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
6.
Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a
question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't
hear you, you'll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy."
7. If someone
asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece
of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr.
Smartypants?"
8. Pick out random students, ask them questions,
and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times in your
grade book while muttering "tsk, tsk."
9. Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or "Surfin' Bird."
10. Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the class whether your butt looks fat.
11. Play "Kumbaya" on the banjo.
12. Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus class. Giggle throughout it.
13. Announce "you'll need thisl," and write the suicide prevention hotline number on the board.
14. Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.
15. Start the lecture by dancing and lip-syncing to James Brown's "Sex Machine."
16. Ask occassional questions, but mutter "as if you gibbering simps would know" and move on before anyone can answer.
17.
Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book
by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.
18. Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you as you pace back and forth.
19. Address students as "worm."
20.
Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a
single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any
moment.
21. Turn off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping, and begin singing spirituals.
22. Ask for a volunteer for a demonstration. Ask them to fill out a waiver as you put on a lead apron and light a blowtorch.
23. Point the overhead projector at the class. Demand each student's name, rank, and serial number.
24. Begin class by smashing the neck off a bottle of vodka, and announce that the lecture's over when the bottle's done.
25.
Have a band waiting in the corner of the room. When anyone asks a
question, have the band start playing and sing an Elvis song.
26.
Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space for
several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, resume your sentence
and proceed normally.
27. Wear a "virtual reality" helmet and
strange gloves. When someone asks a question, turn in their direction
and make throttling motions with your hands.
28. Mention in passing that you're wearing rubber underwear.
29. Growl constantly and address students as "matey."
30. Devote your math lecture to free verse about your favorite numbers and ask students to "sit back and groove."
31. Announce that last year's students have almost finished their class projects.
32.
Inform your English class that they need to know Fortran and code all
their essays. Deliver a lecture on output format statements.
33.
Bring a small dog to class. Tell the class he's named "Boogers McGee"
and is your "mascot." Whenever someone asks a question, walk over to
the dog and ask it, "What'll be, McGee?"
34. Wear a feather boa and ask students to call you "Snuggles."
35.
Tell your math students that they must do all their work in a base 11
number system. Use a complicated symbol you've named after yourself in
place of the number 10 and threaten to fail students who don't use it.
36. Claim to be a chicken. Squat, cluck, and produce eggs at irregular intervals.
37.
Bring a CPR dummy to class and announce that it will be the teaching
assistant for the semester. Assign it an office and office hours.
38. Have a grad student in a black beret pluck at a bass while you lecture.
39. Sprint from the room in a panic if you hear sirens outside.
40. Give an opening monologue. Take two minute "commercial breaks" every ten minutes.
41. Tell students that you'll fail them if they cheat on exams or "fake the funk."
42. Announce that you need to deliver two lectures that day, and deliver them in rapid-fire auctioneer style.
43. Pass out dental floss to students and devote the lecture to oral hygiene.
44.
Announce that the entire 32-volume Encyclopedia Britannica will be
required reading for your class. Assign a report on Volume 1, Aardvark
through Armenia, for next class.
45. Ask students to list their favorite showtunes on a signup sheet. Criticize their choices and make notes in your grade book.
46. Sneeze on students in the front row and wipe your nose on your shirt.
47. Warn students that they should bring a sack lunch to exams.
48. Refer frequently to students who died while taking your class.
49.
Show up to lecture in a ventilated clean suit. Advise students to keep
their distance for their own safety and mutter something about "that
bug I picked up in the field."
50. Jog into class, rip the textbook in half, and scream,
"Are you pumped?
ARE YOU PUMPED? I CAN'T HEEEEEEAR YOU!" | | |
| 10 Years Ago…
I was finishing up Freshman year of high school at Breck (1st year there), and contemplating the possibility of another move.
1. How old were you: 14
2. Where did you go to school: The Breck School, Minneapolis, MN
3. Where did you work: I was still babysitting at that point and there were a few families in the neighbourhood I was responsible for.
4. Where did you live: 7500 Hyde Park Dr. in good old Edina, MN
5. Where did you hang out: School… it’s sad, but I was there a lot with sports. And Drew’s house in St. Paul
6. Did you wear glasses: Nah
7. Who was your best friend: Probably Hayes. I had managed to move out of the self destructive group I had been in… And I seem to remember Courtney throwing a softball at my head, so we were probably in a fight at the time. And Katrina… always.
8. Who was your regular-person crush: Same two for all of high school really… Jesse Isaacman-Beck (yeah, I know you know) and Tommy Simmons
9. How many tattoos did you have: none
10. How many piercings did you have: two, one in each ear
11. What car did you drive: none… it was a few years till WEx-1 came along
12. Had you been to a real party: well… yeah… excluding the Larkin basement parties, there was New Years out in St. Paul
13. Had your heart broken: no… not yet
14. Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter: Single… and loving it.
5 Years Ago…
Just about done with sophomore year of college… Oh the chaos of that year…
1. How old were you: 19
2. Where did you go to school: University of Notre Dame, South Bend, IN… College of Arts and Letters – Psychology and Pre-Professional School
3. Where did you work: Dept. of Athletics Tutoring at Univ. Notre Dame, and Catering By Design at Univ. Notre Dame
4. Where did you live: 214 Lyons Hall, Notre Dame, IN (and of course room 16 of the Jameson Inn… for that last month)
5. Where did you hang out: Boat Club, Hagar Hall, Stacks of the Library, SDH and LaFun basement
6. Did you wear glasses: Nah… still surviving without
7. Who was your best friend: Dan Fox… that’ll teach me to date a good friend, Tiff Reese, the HOP, Pete (back home still Eve, Em, Hayes and Jesse and of course… Katrina
8. Who was your regular-person crush: Well, I had a boyfriend at the time, but I had a thing for JIBs forever
9. How many tattoos did you have: one, and I don’t think there’ll be more. But hey, it was my late adolescent rebellion. Nice green and black circle-inscribed trinity on the small of my back
10. How many piercings did you have: two, one in each ear (also probably never to change) but I did have this ear cuff that I wore a lot at the time.
11. What car did you drive: I didn’t have one at school until the summer (that’s when Spanky and I became involved – 2000 White Chevy Trail Blazer) and when I could convince Ror to lend it to me, the teal Pontiac… that thing was amazing until the engine fell out on the toll road.
12. Had you been to a real party: Many, but that was before Ireland upped the ante, so it was still fairly tame, and I wasn’t much of a drinker… But the best parties were still back home in MN
13. Had your heart broken: Yes (thanks Ethan), and it was about to happen again in a back to back street-fighter style finishing move.
14. Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter: Taken and at the 9 month mark.
Present Day …
First year of the GEP program… and I look around and think, wait, how am I still in school? Haven’t I graduated enough? And then I look at my loans and say, shit, yeah, this is the last time I do this.
1. How old were you: 24
2. Where did you go to school: RCSI, GEP-1
3. Where did you work: The library and I are somewhat involved. Just managed to get elected as Sec-Treas of the Surgical Soc… but nowhere that pays
4. Where did you live: Aungier St. crackhouse, Dublin IRELAND (yeah… back here again)
5. Where did you hang out: Sandyford, the anatomy room, the library… Swan, most of the time. Bewley’s, Busy Feet, Metro, D2, and occasionally I’ll let myself be dragged somewhere more exotic like Dragon or the George
6. Did you wear glasses: Heh, still 20/15 and able to see farther than most people… don’t worry though, I have short arms, and as my dad tells it, when they’re too short to hold the books far enough away to read, I’ll need glasses
7. Who was your best friend: Dublin – Deter and Bren, ND – Pete and Brad, Home – Em (just got back from Barcelona with her), Eve, Hayes and JIBs, and of course… Katrina (this girl has some staying power)
8. Who was your regular-person crush: Well, I’ve managed to get over the old high school and college ones. Perhaps I should mention my “fiancé” and a slight one on Bill. You can’t really expect me to admit to any that are currently going strong… right?
9. How many tattoos did you have: Just the one
10. How many piercings did you have: Just the two
11. What car did you drive: I rock the LUAS in Dublin (so… no car), Back home I drive Harvey (or as Joe likes to call him, “Ketchup” – 2004 Burgundy Chevy Trail Blazer)
12. Had you been to a real party: I’m normally recovering from them… I blame Bren
13. Had your heart broken: Yup, and scars to prove it. Hopefully the bitter sarcasm I use as a shield will keep working.
14. Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter: Who has time to date? Wait, Irish boys don’t date. Well… technically, I’m “engaged” (right Brad?), but I’m really as single as they come (Le Sigh), and with the worst case of spring fever I’ve had in ages… seriously, how old am I? 14?
| | |
| 1.YOUR SPY NAME (middle name and current street name):
Langdon Townes
2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME (grandmother/father of your dad's side and your favourite candy):
Alice Minstral
3. YOUR RAP NAME (first initial of first name and first three or four letters of your last name):
E-Lark
4. YOUR GAMER TAG (a favourite colour, a favourite animal)
Green Leopard
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name, and city you were born in)
Langdon Edina (that's a shit one)
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (first three letters of your last name, last three letters of mother's maiden name, first three letters of your pet's name)
Laramsaby
7. JEDI NAME (middle name spelled backwards, your mom's maiden name spelled backwards):
Nodgnal Smailliw
8. PORN STAR NAME (first pet's name, the street you grew up on):
Tripper Hyde
9. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", your favourite colour and the automobile your dad/mom drives)
The Green Trailblazer
10. YOUR ACTION HERO NAME (first name of the main character in the last film you watched, last food you ate)
Lizzie Cheddar (yeah... that's the best one... for sure) | | |
| Sarah,
It's been way too long since we've talked... So, I'll give you a few of the things I've learned too.
1. Long haul/transatlantic flights suck no matter what. Ask for an upgrade to 1st class for your next birthday. Even if you have short legs, the extra space and bigger seat is wonderful.
2. A teaching hospital is a very necessary evil.
3. The human body is so ridiculously complex and crazy... there is absolutely no way it developed that way by chance.
4. Crying is healthy every once in a while. Laughing until your diaphragm hurts is even healthier. For that reason see #5
5. Friends are easy, close loyal friends are few and far between.
6. Mass makes disant places feel like home, because it's pretty much the same everywhere you go
7. Leaving notes on your mirror or shower door with dry-erase markers so that you see them when you get up at 5am will never get old.
8. I love my family and can't wait for big family dinners.
9. Teaching kids is the most rewarding and heartbreaking vocation. Happily at the end of the day you go home and they're not your responsibility. Sadly, somedays you wish they were because you distrust their parents.
10. Dating is not the same in every country... in fact, some people (Irish boys) don't date until they're 30 or something. So pursuit of dates can often be disappointing and as scarce as water in a desert.
11. You haven't lived until you've stuck your hands into the abdomen of a cadaver and removed a liver or spleen
12. The things you miss are things you'd never guess... like quarters, bacon-mushroom-cheese burgers, cheetoes, milk that actually stays cold in the fridge, modern american architecture, nation-wide calling plans, fast bank transactions, inexpensive basic necessities, Target, backyards, and the Backer
13. There are two types of Notre Dame people. I'm Type-A... most of the people you meet in alumni clubs are Type-A... and most of us have some sort of drinking problem. But we're not alcoholics. Alcoholics have meetings, we have game watches at bars.
14. You can't achieve anything without friends and/or family
15. The healthcare system is fucked in every country.
16. There is a certain personality that is predisposed to surgery, there is another personality that enjoys dislocating joints, and dissecting cadavers. I am both... we're called orthopaedic surgeons.
17. Singing is one of the greatest freedoms. Sing in the shower, sing in the car, sing in public transportation, sing when you run... if you're some of my friends, sing disney songs while dissecting a cadaver and freak people out.
18. Being Catholic comes with many many stereotypes, most of which are negative. If people know you're catholic, you'll spend a lot of time convincing them that you don't think they're a heathen, you don't think they're going to hell, and you don't think they're a bad person if they don't know the current day's feast Saint... and that's just sad.
19. People are people wherever you go. You can't escape a certain type of personality by moving to another country... only make it more difficult to understand them through their accents
20. If you think you can't go on another minute without sleep, you can probably run another
24 hours before you actually fall asleep on your feet.
21. Your brain is nothing like a sponge. It's more like a black hole. You can cram indefinite amounts of information into it, it's getting the stuff back out that's really hard.
22. A lot of surgical procedures are performed with tools that you could get at any office depot and Lowes Hardware store, it's really just the fancy scrubs and cleanliness of the theatres that make hospitals special.
23. The Worst Case Scenario Book series is indispensible
24. It is infinitely more difficult to forgive yourself than other people, especially when you don't know how to forgive other people.
25. Joy is in all the small things of the day.
| | |
| I spent a day doing nothing. I went for a run, I went to the doctor, I screwed around online, I watched tv. Nothing. It was wonderful.
Does anyone else find it ironic that I have something called a "bible bump"? No no, really. I do. What I thought was a dislocated carpal is actually a ganglionic cyst (something like tendonitis crossed with bursitis) aka "bible bump" because people used to "treat" them by whacking them with a large book, often the bible.
The good news: no surgery, no painful correction.
The bad news: There's nothing that I can do about it... yet. Basically, I get to treat it episodically with prescription strength NSAIDs (which I was already doing) because it's a byproduct of the inflammatory process (which I could explain... in detail... but I'd rather not). However, it's not going to go away. It may restrict my movement. It may pinch nerves... Sweet. Eventually, if it gets too bad, I can get it drained and injected with cortisone... If it gets worse than that, they can surgically remove it. And then there's a 50% recurrance rate.
The good news: I know all about NSAIDs, I've never had a stomach bleed, and I have a high tolerance for pain. Plus, the stress of exams are over so my inflammatory response should be down.
The bad news: I will get really REALLY annoyed with it.
Long story short, I will live... but no more Hurling, no more kickboxing, and little to no lifting. But I can live with that. And now I plan on treating it with a nice dose of UVA/B rays and some R&R. What any good Rx includes.
Peace!
~Liz | | |
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